The futility of egotism

Tolstoy, toward the end of his life, became more and more embittered with the egotism of his class. I find myself with similar sentiments. When I despise myself for my egotism, it is easy to despise others with the same vice, focusing on the splinter rather than the beam. Many dismiss Tolstoy’s later views, supposing they are prompted by mental degeneration, or by the envy that comes with knowing the pleasures of egotistical life will soon come to an end.

With age comes an increasing awareness that egotism is futile, that each individual human being does not last long enough to be the sole source of value.

Ayn Rand’s egoistic philosophy had some appeal to me when I was younger, intent on developing all my faculties and defying naysayers who stood in the way. But as I get older I find that making a corporeal organism destined to die and decay the sole source of values is an exercise in futility.

At the beginning of life a focus on the self is justifiable. We cannot reach our full potential in helping others if we do not. Toward the end of life, however, the focus must shift to philanthropy. I often find myself frustrated with friends and colleagues who have passed the midpoint of life, whose egotism continues unabated.

In Economics 101 we learned the law of decreasing marginal utility. The first thousand dollars does far more than the hundredth. It is foolish to spend the hundredth on myself rather than someone for whom it would mean far more—a bright young student, for example, who can’t find the resources to attend college.

To show the world what we’ve accomplished, we use the rewards from our work to build monuments. But we can do better. We can give the world not just work, but also the rewards we get from work, keeping nothing for ourselves but the minimum we need to live. When I receive rewards, I receive along with them a responsibility to use them benevolently and wisely. If I imagine that vanity, luxury, and comfort are more important than the essentials of life for those less fortunate, it can only be because the distorting lens of egotism has warped my vision.

Atheism

I find it helpful to distinguish two conceptions of God. In the first, God is an entity that rules the universe. In the second, God is a concept that represents the highest aspirations of mankind. I am an atheist with respect to the first God, but not with respect to the second.